When I tell most people that their thoughts are creating their results in life, I tend to get some push back. We don’t want to believe that we have that kind of power because 1. We have been told we don’t for our whole lives, so it’s like believing a foreign concept and 2. If we really admitted that to ourselves, we’d be faced with the decision to really change or remain the same – and we’d have no one / nothing to blame any longer.
When I first started taking responsibility for my results in life with my thoughts, I experienced that resistance. I would think things like ‘No, really…I have ALL this evidence that I am bad with money, can’t control my eating, have a hard time saying no to wine, and I just yell at my kids because that’s how I was taught/raised.’ ‘It’s just who I am.’
I am sure you’ve said similar things. ‘It’s just how things are. This is just how the world works. This is just my personality. I am just ‘this’ kind of person.’ And we take an Enneagram test to seal that fate – and again, solidify that we have all this evidence.
Most people deny that they can go from someone who over consumes candy/cakes/pies to never eating sugar – or at least – not on a daily basis. What helps harden this limiting beliefs is things like over eating, spending, drinking, social media-ing, gossiping, complaining – all of those things are totally normal in our culture. You will find community and be welcomed by most other humans in the shared experience of basically tapping out of life because the shared idea is ‘Life is just like this – and it’s hard – and being an adult is a struggle’.
Here’s what I teach my Clients, and how I had true change for myself. What if the goal wasn’t to get to ‘I don’t over eat, over spend, over complain’ at first. What if you could just, question all of it. What if you just took one day and asked ‘What is this belief doing for me on the larger scale? And do I like my reason for believing it’
Here’s what a real life example looked like for me and my change – I decided to stop trying to lose weight. Stopped trying to hate myself into a smaller size – because it has never worked. My first thought was (and I am sure how other interpreted my new way of being) ‘Man, I am going to gain so much weight because I will allow myself to over do it’…(which is kinda funny because I was already over doing it when I was hating myself – so if anything, I’d pretty much just stay the same.)
But then I just asked myself ‘ What if I didn’t make it about losing weight and made it about being mindful of how different foods FEEL in my body?’
My entire life I just stuffed my face. I never slowed down enough to connect the dots to what my body was trying to tell me.
So, I began to just pay attention. Eat cake, pay attention. Drink diet soda, pay attention. Eat a steak, pay attention. And just be curious about all of it. Here’s what I found. When I eat sugar – I get a MASSIVE headache almost immediately. When I drink diet soda…MASSIVE headache. When I eat a lot of refined carbs and little protein (pancakes for breakfast) I get super shaky and my blood sugar plummets. (I have reactive hypoglycemia – which I had no idea I had for a long time)
By taking away the goal of ‘restrict myself because I am too fat and unworthy’ and not jumping to ‘I can eat whatever I want fuck it’ but rather focusing on really learning how to love myself – I now have actual data from my own body that tells me what feels good.
So now, the thoughts I am having are ‘ I’d rather not eat that sugar because I don’t want to get a headache’. And guess what? Sometimes I eat the sugar and deal with the headache. But I am making these decisions from a well informed place without hatred and bullying. And – It didn’t require me to try and convince myself that sugar doesn’t taste like unicorns and rainbows. Because it does. I just have a new belief that most of the time, it’s not worth feeling like ass afterwards.
Do you know how much more in control I am because I gave myself the opportunity to question my beliefs of ‘sugar is normal, it’s delicious, i need it, it helps me feel better emotionally’. Changing your beliefs about something doesn’t always mean you have to believe the opposite of what you believe now – it just means you have to be open enough to be curious what other thoughts are true for you and also create the results you want.
And guess what? There is no magic pill. You can take the pills. But they just cover up what you aren’t willing to examine. Just like wine. Just like drugs. Just like food. They are all amazing in the moment. That’s why they are so addictive. But there is so much life you aren’t experiencing. And the first step is just to be open enough to question what you believe today.